Beware - The REAL master race still lurks.

I've discovered the REAL master race.

I was watching this episode of Bullshit! about traditional family values and how they were not too much unlike the name of said show. They explored weird polyamorous relationships, homosexual parenting, and other topics that anger or at least confuse many American people. It inspired me to get to the bottom of the matter, so I began to look around for clues. Towards the end of my search for the truth in this matter, I thought I'd check in with various groups that support the traditional family and other traditional models of living. I ended up on the wonderful website of an organization we've all heard of.

I poked around for a little while on their site, on which they try to preach a message "of love NOT hate," of restoring traditional American values (all the way back to before blacks and women could vote) and I started getting MAD at some of the stuff there. I mean, they are really saying some things that are baffling, and I'm shocked to have not noticed where they're coming from now that we begin the new millennium. If you've never checked it out, I bet you'll be surprised by what a well-intentioned organization they are, as I was. From what I gather, THE JEWS AND THE GAYS ARE WORKING TOGETHER TO TAKE OVER THIS COUNTRY and they're just trying to stop it. Not surprisingly, the media (ALL Jewish) doesn't report on this phenomenon. As I read and learned all about this, I began to think, "Damn it...we've got to band together and do something about this here, I reckon."

I got really infuriated, but then I remembered: I'm one of these Jews. I remembered my secret day-job, my general tolerance for homosexuals who aren't currently hitting on me, and the fact that I fucking abhor rednecks more than bestiality, love for oil, shooting guns for fun, and all the things that they stand for. So I began pondering the nature of the problem. I thought about how I've never met the big boss at my secret job, about how the minorities really DO seem to be takin' over, and about how soon the Good Christian Whites will be in the minority. I thought about how most Jews I know aren't in on the secrets, and I started doing some investigating. After asking around at my secret downtown office, I learned that all the way up the ladder, we've been communicating with one who is not even a Jew.

I had to get more information, so I hung around my boss's boss's boss's boss's boss's boss's office until I saw him. It was in a dark light, but I could see from his profile that he was not a member of my people. As I watched for longer, I started to piece together what was happening. They were a distance away, but I could make out enough to deduce they were discussing mind control and covering up some ship or other. Then my boss's boss's boss's boss's boss's boss said something audible which was very strange: "Red Power!" That was when it occurred to me that we are all being swindled by an even more marginalized group than these brilliant KKK guys had been able to figure out: "Native" Americans.

Yes, that's right. They are taking over, and there is no telling when they will come for you. Remember The Protocols of The Elders of Zion? First they claimed it was about Jews, but then it was "proven" to be a work of very poor plagiarism. Well, good gun-toting Christian White Americans who wear overalls on weekdays and weekends alike and populate the space between New York and California weren't fooled by this silliness. In my preliminary research for this exposé, I read that in fact all you really have to do is replace "Jew" with the phrase "new world order" and then that document reveals the truth behind our shadow government. Upon further review, I believe what one really must do is then replace "new world order" with the words "so-called Indians." I cannot overstate what I'm telling you here.

Now more than ever, it's critical that we act to protect our White Christian brethren. When I walk down the streets of LA, it's plain to see that they are being driven out of existence by a cruel red people with nothing less than genocide in their sights. After doing a little more research and asking some very reliable sources I know from living (and working underground) in the Carolinas for a couple years, I've determined what these devilish Injuns are up to. Here is the way my sources say their organization works:

They thrust alcohol on innocent communities that easily become addicted to the substance, then they pretend some of their people have this addiction too.
They give us tobacco to make our bodies weak and our minds compliant.
They also mess with the tap water.
They use the black as muscle against whitey (if he ever gets suspicious).
As I said before, they're the ones who use the Jew to control ALL media.
They use their revisionist history to teach in schools that they "...were here first," which, of course, is their excuse to pay no taxes!
They build casinos to raise revenue for secret programs with names like "Breaking Whitey's Spirit" & "Utilizing US Blacks" & "Red Power."
They secretly spread pro-gay and pro-abortion propaganda and "tolerance-teaching" in an attempt to weaken the Good White Christian Community. They discredit good folk like ex-Braves, ex-MLB pitcher, John Rocker, who try to communicate the truth about "tolerance."
They promote the immigration of job-stealing Mexicans, communism and socialism around the globe, and the export of American labor to China and India.
They gobble up all the land, while lying about how all they have are their teensy "reservations."
Routinely, they practice ceremonies in which they eat human flesh. Then they blame "some Satanists who must live in the area."
They fight wars for oil, profit, and to "avenge their fathers." And they pin the blame on innocent members of the Good White Christian Community, like George W. Bush.
They somehow manage to convince the rest of us that they're just a small suffering people when in fact they are the ones pulling all the strings.

I cannot stress how hard it was to bring this information here. I'm taking a great risk just writing this. I can't be too sure that they aren't WATCHING ME RIGHT NOW. I have to do this though, because, otherwise, the truth may never see the light of day. It may be, and probably already is, too late. But please send me money and help spread the word. Only YOU (and your money) can prevent the hostile takeover of this vicious killing gang.

Stay strong, brothers. White power!

Now that you know what's up, you may be wondering a few things about all this deception that we as a society have fallen prey to. If you have questions, just let me know and I'll do my best to answer them. Here are a few Q's I have given A's to in the offline world.

Q: How can I tell a so-called "Native American?"

A: They cleverly hide by coloring their skins like this.

Q: I am a neo-nazi and I am offended by what you're suggesting. Where the hell do you get off?

A: How is it that you manage to convince yourselves that a people who make up 0.02 percent of the population and have one of the longest histories of suffering of any people in the world are to blame for all of society's ills? How the hell are there any of you left? Please solve that problem first before coming back to me.

Q: I am Native American myself and haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about. What are you talking about?

A: First, let me assure you that I only write serious material. Secondly, sure you don't know what I'm talking about. Please at least save me for last.

Q: How can I, a Good White Christian, protect myself against them reds?

A: Well, send as much money to me as you can, but, other than that, it's tough. The truth is pretty shocking, but...you can't. They've come this far undetected, and I don't think they'll be stopped by the likes of me or you. You may as well run up your credit card bills and have condomless orgies, because their plan of world domination is pretty near complete. Er, wait, no...I mean, send me money. Yeah, that's it. Um...white power!

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phitewower@fussypucker.com