This Message is a Violation of the Sabbath
It's Friday night. I just finished cooking myself an
awesome dinner. I am going to put some laundry in the washing machine soon. I
might, perhaps, make a few phone calls. So I am a loser, maybe? Probably. But am
I a sinner?
I pretty much am. At least, according to the orthodox. You see, rabbinical law
prohibits every single activity I have named thus far. In fact, the customs are
so extensive as to seem not only unnecessary but...like a whole lot of WORK (one
of two acts the G-d of the Old Testament expressly prohibits on Shabbat, the
other being the lighting of a fire).
According to rabbinical law, much of my activity throughout the day of rest is
prohibited:
Writing (specifically, stringing two letters together)
Erasing (specifically, erasing two letters together)
Cooking (any form, but it's especially bad if you light a fire)
Using Electricity (phone, computer, lights, etc.)
Doing Laundry (must be finished before Shabbos)
Buying (I will likely buy lunch tomorrow)
Tying (my shoes when I eat that lunch)
Traveling (to and from the restaurant)
Untying (shoes again)
How do they even avoid these things, you ask? First, I should point out that the
list you see there is far from complete.
Second, I would like to describe some of my experiences as to how they do this
type of stuff.
They close up shop and take off work around 2PM Friday. They stock up on stuff
they might otherwise have to buy on the Sabbath. They may bathe. They clean up
in general. They may even rip pieces of toilet paper, so that anybody using the
restroom on the holiday won't have to strain too hard by ripping those
him/her-self. They cook dinner, leaving the food where it will remain warm until
after the Shabbat service. They are permitted to walk to and from temple, though
most other destinations and modes of transportation are prohibited. They
begin the service at sundown. They pray with very little or no English for a
half hour on Friday night. As on other days, they pray when they wash their
hands. They pray before and after eating. They pray before bed. They pray when
they wake up. They prey 3 more hours on Saturday morning.
I once attended a service and met a girl who wouldn't shake my hand, because she
would touch no male before marriage. I met a songwriter who I wanted to give my
number to but who wouldn't take a business card because he doesn't "carry
on Shabbos." I took a walk with a guy who clearly felt he had done
something wrong when we walked by security cameras, because he didn't want to
turn on the motion sensors. In fact, every time I walked with them, they took
special routes to avoid common motion sensors that turn on lights in driveways.
I do not live this way and I doubt that I ever will. As you have probably
gathered by now, I'm a very naughty individual. My parents were too, I suppose.
So why do I occasionally go back? Because, no matter what else you want to say
about them, they have been very generous and kind to me. They fed me and treated
me no differently than a regular member of the synagogue. They are good people,
but I am not one of them.
I don't happen to believe that I am doing something wrong right now. And I don't
think that feeling guilty is going to accomplish much of anything. I don't think
the large number of restrictions self-imposed by members of these communities is
necessary, nor do I think the measures particularly good or healthy. I don't
think it is necessary to recite on holidays that we are "obligated" to
fulfill G-d's law regarding capital punishment by "stoning, burning,
decapitation, and strangulation." (In fact, I don't think many Americans
would recommend teaching the 10 Commandments in schools if they also had to
teach the traditional punishments for violating them. After all, the common
argument is that "it's always been this way, since G-d said so." I, of
course, prefer my
version of teaching basic morality.)
G-d bless them if they're correct, but it's not for me personally. So Orthodox
Jewish Heaven is probably off limits to me. And I'll probably never be a
Christian or Muslim either. And Scientology is out. So there go four groups who
will probably deny me entrance to their heaven. But screw their heavens. There
are too many rules that can't be explained. Most of us are having a hard enough
time with the ones that we think we understand. I think I'll stick to
those.
This is my day of rest, and I can't rest if I go to religious services of any kind.
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© 2006 FussyPucker.