McDonald's Latest Radio Ad
  

I wrote this brief response with select quotations from the ad.

"I don't need some 4x overpriced restaurant. I'm a guy. Give me a $0.99 burger any day."

Yep, just lump all guys together: ALL REAL MEN HAVE SHITTY TASTE AND LIKE EATING POISON. Furthermore, the notion that your food is cheap is abominable, because although it really costs $0.99 at the time of purchase it contributes to development of diseases that take years off of customers' lives. I would far sooner pay a whopping $3.96 (4x overpriced, my ass) for food that doesn't make me feel ill afterwards.

"Did you know McDonald's burgers are 100 Percent Beef?"

Whoa, really? Unbelievable. "Beef-burger?" What a fantastic notion. The taste might have made me guess something more like pigeon shit. But if you say beef, it must be so. Certainly, McDonalds has never labeled deceptively before. Ground beef in the form of a burger. Did you invent that? I am really impressed.

"How do they do that? Well, they're McDonald's. That's what they do."

It's bit vague though, so let's offer a step-by-step breakdown of how they do just what they do.

Step One: Pay many workers as little as is legally permissible, and pay the others just enough so they don't quit.

Step Two: Buy and serve cheaply-prepared, high-fat, high-sodium, high-sugar, often frozen, and often chemically enhanced to be addictive, "food" with higher-than-normal levels of bacteria.

Step Three: Hire best money-driven-lawyers that money can buy to defend image in many legal proceedings.

Step Four: Launch obnoxious multi-billion-dollar ad campaigns to brainwash people (especially but not exclusively children and minorities) with subtle imagery, suggestive language, and catchy jingles. This way they'll forget steps one through three.

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