Impressions of a First-Time Juror
Earlier this month,
I received a summons to perform jury duty in the mail. The first mistake I made
was opening it. The second was following the instructions and registering.
Apparently, if you just throw it out (friends have since informed me), there is
no way for them to prove you ever got it in the first place. That's why most
important legal papers must be "served." At any rate, if I had never
opened the jury summons, that would have been the end of that. Instead, I
followed the instructions and registered.
I must admit this much: the phone registration system is very efficient. One
short phone call when you receive the summons and you're registered to be a
California juror. But then they require you to call back each night during the
week that you are supposed to be "on duty." If they need you to
report, you will only find out the night before. Thus begin the inconveniences.
Monday was Labor Day, so I didn't have to call on Sunday. On Monday and Tuesday
nights, I called and I was still in the clear. Then on Wednesday night, I called
to find that I was due in downtown LA at 7:45 AM on Thursday. Being the only
(not destitute) man in LA without a car, this meant waking up at about 5:45 to
leave enough time to catch a train and find the place.
So this I did.
At 7:35, I showed up and was shuffled through a metal detector. I passed the
test! Then I continued to the elevators. Waiting in a crowd for the elevator to
come, I could see that this building was not maintained very well. Lights were
busted. Caked-in dirt was visible in many hard-to-clean corners. They used cheap
fluorescent lighting. Plus the place was crawling with lawyers and judges...
I missed the first few elevators that came, because the crowds filled them so
quickly. The elevator shafts seemed to have an alarm going off somewhere, and
half of the elevators were just not running. As for the ones that worked, I soon
found out, they decelerated so quickly that they consistently caused physical
discomfort at every stop. Then once stopped, the doors flew open and shut,
allowing about two seconds for passengers to exit. At each floor, those in the
front of the elevator had to get out to make room for the others to exit, hold
the doors, and then go back in. Exiting the elevator on a low floor resulted in
pushing. I can't remember another elevator system so broken.
When I got up to the 11th floor, they were dividing us into two lines like
cattle or schoolchildren. We were numbered too. Then we filed into a crowded
room where they began to lecture everyone with information that had already been
mailed to us, but I suppose many people probably didn't read or understand it.
Next they brought in a judge to welcome us. He was a short/stocky fellow, he was
friendly and funny, and he was wearing a nice suit. I really thought I liked
him, the way he made light of this inconvenience. He acknowledged that we were
"all important people." He thanked us for coming. He exalted our
American commitment to democracy and the importance of our juror system. Then he
said something that really pissed me off.
"I feel it is particularly important since 9/11 that we carry out our
duties to this great nation. A lot of us have come from countries that don't
have jury trials and ours is the best system on the planet."
Uhh....What the hell does 9/11 have to do with jury duty, asshole? We had it
before. We had it afterwards. Nothing at all changed in-between or as a result.
I am so sick of people using 9/11 to score sympathy points for their cause. When
a politician does this, I really want to just give him a semi-hard kick to the
forehead. It's absolutely offensive and it cheapens the lives of those who did
pass to turn it into a political excuse for anything, whether war or jury duty.
That said, I didn't listen to another word he uttered. Tool.
I waited around for hours in that stuffy room, which did admittedly improve as
others got called onto jury panels. There is a nice law in California which
states that if you don't get called onto a trial on the first day, then you can
go home. I got called. After lunch, we were to return and go straight to the
courtroom to wait.
The halls were lined with seats but there were still too many of us waiting
there for the courtroom to be opened, and some had to stand. When it finally was
opened, it was 2 PM and we were told that there was no way we'd finish that day
and everyone would have to come back tomorrow. Upon hearing this, the people
literally let out a moan of disapproval.
They screened the jury as best they could and we all would have to come back the
next day for them to finish. It was a car-jacking case. Basically, they just
asked us if we were racists or if we hated cops, and we all said we were legit.
The next day, we waited outside the courtroom for well over an hour and they
finally announced that the defendants (who had no case) had accepted a plea
bargain. They couldn't win and they knew it. They knew it the day before, but
they still had us come back just in case they couldn't yet agree to terms.
Although this was very frustrating, I was glad to go back because I noticed a
sign on the door of the courtroom that I wouldn't have missed for the world. It
read:
NO SMOKING
NO READING
NO GUM CHEWING
NO SUN GLASSES
NO
FOOD OR DRINK
IN COURTOOM
In all caps, just as above. No gum chewing. Unbelievable...the resemblance to
grade school is uncanny. I got the hell out of that building. God bless America
and my weekend started early, but damn I hate some of this bullshit.
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