A Typical Day in My Jew Life
Well rested, I wake up at
the crack of dawn. I shit. I shower. I eat a well-balanced breakfast of eggs,
cereal, and toast. Then I wash it down with the blood of Christian babies, and
it's off to downtown to manipulate all the world's money.
I can't publicly share the details of how I help to control all the money, but
I'm a crucial part. That's for sure. Sometimes on my lunch break, I like to swim
in it like Uncle Scrooge in Duck Tales. When we become dirty, we actually must
cleanse ourselves in the world's money. Yeah, it's law. That's really what the
mikveh is all about. Though not many gentiles know the translation, it's really
just code for "pools of money." You'd be surprised how well it gets
all that Christian baby blood off though.
After lunch, it's back to work, work, work. My afternoon is typically devoted to
controlling all the world's media. You know, the standard stuff: creating
pictures, articles, and interviews that make that silly holocaust thing look
"real," making devout Christians look crazy by labeling them
"extremists," making Muslims look like they're all terrorists, and
covering up all the many evils of the Jews (including but not limited to how we
cause all wars for our profit, control the media, masterfully manipulate the
world's economy, caused 9/11, are the puppet masters behind GW Bush, use blacks
as muscle against whitey, and fabricated most of WW2 just to gain the land of
Israel). It's just business as usual for me.
Dinner is usually an animal, perhaps a calf or baby chicken, that has been
slaughtered in the name of Satan. As a wicked-hearted Jew with no scruples,
that's really what I believe in no matter what I say or do all day long. Once
I'm alone or in the company of other Jews, I shape-shift to reveal my horns and
I sing songs about how our time has already come and this is it. Everyone knows
that's what Jewish literature, spirit, song, and celebration is all about.
After dinner, I like to go over my financial statements and just remind myself
how endlessly rich I am. I like to remind myself that I rule. I have it all.
Life is so easy and painless, and all because I'm Jewish. I'm only 22, and on
weekends I'm part of an organization that controls all of Hollywood! And our
little trick of making it look like Jews have it tough is working, so it seems
like things are going to stay this way for a long long time!
As I tuck myself in at night, I have a good laugh over how I personally killed
Jesus. Then I rest my head and drift away into heaven, where I will continue to
oppress poor uneducated racist rednecks for no apparent reason at all other than
my own sadistic amusement.
Nobody misses redneck babies anyway.
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© 2006 FussyPucker.