Dear God,
You know it's been a while. And we both know I hate bothering you with direct
communication. But there is one teensy thing I have to request:
Please let me die while
gettin' it on.
I've been thinking a lot about death lately, and I really can't think of any
better way to go. Death while sleeping just makes me think I'll turn to dust as
in so many poems and songs. Bullet in the head? Quick, but too violent. Cancer?
Too slow. Knife in the back, car accident? Too much risk of living. Pills, or
off a bridge, maybe? Naah, I don't really want to take responsibility for it.
No, I know just how I want to leave. I want you to take me right in the
middle of giving it to someone special. Ooooooh, that'd be the death.
A less lofty-spirited man might ask just for
sex, or just for death, but me? I want
it all in one package, Baby. I haven't had either for ages, but, still, I ask for
both! And that's not all.
I want her to be beautiful, big jew nose and all.
I want her to be unmarried (or married to me).
No fatties. Yeah, that's right. I'm applying The No Fatties Rule, God. We straight on that?
I want her to love me. Yep, I actually care.
The thing is, sex and death are fastly becoming
comparably mysterious to me. My instinct says they might go well together. I
suppose you can make it look like heart failure if you want to satisfy the
non-believers. Just nothing painful. I want to feel sweet love all the
way to the grave. I want to soar on the wings of not being alive while singing
the steamy praises of orgasm. Is that too much to ask?
I've been good. Haven't stolen in my adult life. Haven't hurt anybody on
purpose. Helped a few. Tried to make some people laugh. And now all I'm asking
is a nice smooth multi-orgasmic passing to the next world. Please? I'll stop
writing these dirty journalings, if that's what you'd want. (I'm hoping it's
not.) If it's Your will, I'll even go to temple and all.
I'm not sure how hard all this is to put together. I mean, for any God who would
care to read this kind of thing in the first place, would ya really have the
sufficient means to make my passing painless? And would you try to kick me back
afterwards with a really painful death to follow? Because that just wouldn't be
cool. I'm asking for one death--clean, simple, no reincarnation as a cow or rope
or chair or cloud. No pulling universal laws 'round later on. No burning me just
because it's funny.
Damn. You know? I feel the need to stipulate a lot of conditions with you. That
shouldn't be necessary, considering you're supposed to be able to read my
thoughts. Hey, what am I thinking now? You're right. I was just thinking,
"Hey, what am I thinking now?" And nothing more. You're good. You are.
So how 'bout it then? Death + Orgasm? How can we make this happen?
Signed,
(Pssht. You know who...)
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