Christmas
Let's face the fact: at its core, Christmas is a bullshit
holiday. Jesus wasn't born in December (source: New Testament), gift-giving
should never be done out of a sense of obligation, and, as we all know by now,
most of the traditions come from old pagan rituals. Santa is a big fat asshole
(I mean, your dad). The elves = Chinamen (that is the preferred nomenclature,
right?) who work as slaves for peanuts. And the holiday has become so
commercialized that any meaning it might have had at some point has been
obscured by shitty Christmas music being played in malls across the nation.
And since I am spending the holiday season alone, here's one that goes out to
all the people who have lost love. Mine was almost a year ago now, it was fairly
mutual, and absolutely none of the following can fairly be applied to her...but
it sure is fun to sing! I hope it doesn't earn me "bad karma," but I
can't afford to consider such intangibles. It's a parody of the classic
"Let It Snow," written by Sammy Cahn & Jule Styne. Enjoy.
Oh, the weather outside is frightful
And I am feeling spiteful
'Cuz the one who once loved me so
Is a ho, is a ho, is a ho!
It doesn't show signs of stopping
And I'm getting close to popping
'cuz the one who once loved me so
Is a ho, is a ho, is a ho!
When (s)he finally hears my plight
(S)he just keeps on doing me harm
Yeah, (s)he kicks me for being right
Ow, that stings. How
I wish it were warm!
Well, the fire is slowly dying
And my dear, you're not even trying
Yes, the one who once loved me so
Is a ho, is a ho, is a ho!
Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!
Once again, none of this song can fairly be applied to my personal life. And I
almost didn't post this, since I felt that I might hurt the feelings of someone
who I really do wish the best. But then I figured if I didn't post it, it would
indicate that I still think it matters. It doesn't. And the sooner I fully
accept that, the sooner I can go back to being annoyed about less personal
matters. Like Christmas.
But truth be told: aside from the "war on Christmas" complainers, I'm
not all that annoyed at Christmas. To me, it's really just families celebrating.
I've got nothing against celebrating even for bullshit reasons, even for no
particular reason at all. What's more, I rather like the openhearted and giving
spirit people bring into their relationships around this time.
I just don't see why we can't be this way all year-round?
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© 2006 FussyPucker.